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News.
The Onion
---Madballdan's Blog---
Monday, 22 March 2004
.::Simple things::.
Simple things...

The Simple Things Without Which Life Would Have No Meaning-

Life is an everlasting, eternal, immortal puzzle in an ancient mystery book in which only you can be the saviour. You create your own destiny, you play the hero or the villain, the prince or the princess your life is what you make of it and only you can decide the inevitable.
Imagine a life without any imagination. No fantasy island in which you can retreat to in worried times; no fantasies to act out at night. No fairytales. No princes or princesses; no kings or queens. All of the towers, castles, taverns and cottages gone without one word. No imagination means no dreams at night. Yes, no haunted sights of your lover's face; no lonely, cold dreams and no happy smiling dreams of stolen kisses behind the fountain.
Life without music is a life not worth living. Soft, gentle music caresses you soul and your spirit. It coaxes your mind and relaxes your eternally thankful body. This universal language of love consists of single notes, united to form sweet music in your ears. Music is food for the soul. You need to hear it, eat it and then share the joys of music with others.
Life without love is a meaningless endless pit of eternal despair. Everybody's searching for intimacy because a heart can't always be broken and friendship holds the key to immortal love. Life, love, trust and us. Four words which life treasures and sometimes confides in, but are never the less still as angry when they are abused. In the silence. I've learned to listen, and to be thankful for the love that I've been given by my family, friends and the man I've come to love.
The simple things in life are the most precious, valuable, delicate gifts that God has blessed us with. We must cherish it, protect it and use it to promote peace and goodwill for all men and women.

Posted by madballdan2003 at 11:18 AM EST
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.::Welcome::.


Posted by madballdan2003 at 10:28 AM EST
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Hello!!!
Hi Everyone, have a beautiful day!!

Posted by madballdan2003 at 10:28 AM EST
Updated: Monday, 22 March 2004 10:31 AM EST
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Saturday, 20 March 2004
kind of like "quotes", except for morals
every great achievement was once considered impossible
no quality product sells for a cheap price
a man will make a fool of himself over a woman at least once
laying in the grass will make anyone feel better
it's better to be married to someone with a good nature rather than someone with a good physique
the pain of not even trying is the worst pain of all
silent company often heals better than their words of advice
if u love someone it shows...
the greater a person's guilt, the greater the need to cast blame
good looks and popularity don't determine success past college
u can't change the past, but u can let it go
control ur attitude or it controls u
the quality of service in a hotel is directly proportional to the thickness of the towels
being too quick to judge someone can deprive u of a friendship or even a relationship
it's easier to keep up than to catch up
life's biggest problems always start out small
you just can't please some people, no matter what
what u think about, u become
when u can't forgive and forget, forgive and move on
if u rely on others to make u happy, u will end up disappointed
one loss doesn't make a season
even the happiest ppl have a bad day
real winners pursue their dreams; losers don't
my worst decisions were made when i was angry
no man is a match for a woman's tears
worry is too often a substitute for action
a person's greatest need is to feel loved
u can never have enough smart people in ur life
a good relationship always boils down to one thing : respect
it's never too late to heal an injured relationship
do not speak unless u can improve upon the silence
the best way to appreciate something is to b without it for a while
many people give up when they are about to achieve success
regrets of yesterday and worries about tomorrow distract us from today
fame and popularity are written in ice, and the sun will come out
don't waste time worrying about things u can't change
the journey is often better than the destination
i am too quick to count others' offenses against me, when i seldom think about how others suffer bc of me
those who talk most have the least to say
one meets his destiny in the path he takes to avoid it
if at first u don't succeed, consider yourself normal
a narrow mind has abroad tongue
experience is one thing u can't get for free
he who is a good sport has to lose to prove it
those who deny freedom to others, don't deserve it for themselves
a bird in the hand is safer than one overhead
never test the depth of a river with both feet
the believer is happy, but the doubter is wise
it takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow
everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it
there are no shortcuts to any place worth going to
a closed mouth gathers no feet
your heart understands what your head cannot conceive
a peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey
without vision, we are blind to opportunity
life is like a sewer, what you get out of it depends on what you put in
friendship is what binds us all together in peace
life is like golf, the follow through is what makes the difference
wise men don't need advice, fools won't take it
patience will come to those who wait for it
a friend is someone who doesn't like the same people you do
one tree makes 10000 matches, but one match burns 10000 trees
question authority and the authorities will question you
incoming fire has the right of way
a clean desk is the sign of a cluttered desk drawer
strip mining prevents forest fires
no amount of planning will ever replace dumb luck
false hope is nicer than no hope at all
if it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid
the key to failure is trying to please everyone
everything is funny as long as it happens to somebody else
before you go skydiving, don't argue with the person who packs your parachute
computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
experience is something you don't get until after you need it
it is easier to get forgiveness, than to get permission
the smartest cat would eat cheese, than breathe into the rat hole
it is better to waste one's youth, then do nothing with it at all
foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ
man with one chopstick soon go hungry
man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails
war won't determine who's right, it will determine who's left
men who drive like hell are bound to get their sooner or later
do unto others before they do unto you
not all who wander are lost
jesus saves sinners and redeems them for prizes
if you can't be a good example, then you can be a horrible warning
sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up
never trust a stock broker who's married to a travel agent
don't insult the alligator until after you cross the river
work to become, not to acquire
don't play with your food, especially after you've eaten it
never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together
they wouldn't call it a crush if it didn't hurt
he who dies with the most toys is still dead

Posted by madballdan2003 at 9:57 PM EST
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.::Music::.

Posted by madballdan2003 at 9:54 PM EST
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Growing Up...
Growing up to be the best people we can be is a lifelong process. As teenagers, we may have thought that twenty-one would be a magic year for us because then we would become adults. We'd be grown up and able to handle any problems that came along, if any did.

But the older we get, the more we realize that growing up is a process that never ends. We are always becoming the people we are capable of being. We're always learning new things about ourselves, and in that process, we're always coming to new understandings about other people and how we can get along with them.

How wonderful that life always offers us room to grow! It makes new discoveries possible all through our lives, and ensures us that we will always have something to offer.

What discovery have I made just today?

Posted by madballdan2003 at 8:00 PM EST
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Tuesday, 16 March 2004
Today Is A Great Day !
Hi everyone!...Just wanted to say today is an excellent one for me, in more ways than one. Well first off here is the bad news...I started smoking cigarettes again, I know...i took back my own will and started to think i was better than others. But the good news is that i can honestly say thats okay because i will try it again----Starting tomorrow, Pray for me !...Other news is that i have finally made peace with myself and my Ex-Girlfriend Shirley. There were so many things i wanted to say to her, and still need to say her, but we started out right. I think she is doing so well ! As for me...God is good and i know that as long as i continue doing the right thing, being as honest and as open-minded and as willing as i can all will be well!!---God i love that Girl, she has given me the courage today to start writing and working on step one for my Sponsor!!--God is good. I am beginning to love myself more and more lately-so in turn i can love someone else! That is the key- We must forgive ourselves and learn to love ourselves first before we can love others. I just got another commitment on sunday nights-i chair the meeting!!...Service keeps me from being so self centered....anyways i love you people and remember Just For Today, We never have to use again!!! Bye... :)
Danny R-.::A.K.A.Madballdan::.


Posted by madballdan2003 at 3:02 PM EST
Updated: Tuesday, 16 March 2004 2:43 PM EST
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Tuesday, 2 March 2004
Odd facts to amaze your friends!....Or Not...
the titanic was going 22 knots when it hit the iceberg
the bagpipe was first made from the liver of a sheep
a toothbrush within 6 feet of a toilet can get airborne bacteria from flushing
the first ford cars had dodge engines
nutmeg is poisonous when injected intravaneously
strawberries have more vitamin c than oranges
the largest mcdonald's is in oklahoma, crossing over i-44 in vinita
onions smell bc they soak in sulfur from the ground
american cars beep in the tone of f
the first police dept. was in paris 1667
a broken clock is always right twice a day
a war between zanzibar and england was over in 38 minutes when zanzibar surrendered
1 in 4 americans have appeared on tv
german chemists made a replica of a trophy the size of one molecule
donkeys kill more ppl annually than plane crashes
no piece of paper can b folded in half more than 7 times
more money is spent on gardening than any other hobby
oak trees don't make acorns until they r at least fifty years old
if a bowling pin tilts 7.5 degrees, it will fall
a boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the wright brother's first flight
there is nearly 1/4 pound salt for every gallon of water in seawater
venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise
jumbo jets use 4000 gallons of fuel to take off
the electric chair was invented by a dentist
the first owner of marlboro died of lung cancer
20 seconds worth of fuel remained on the apollo 11 when it landed on the moon
aglets r the plastic things on the end of shoelaces
most dust particles r made of dead skin
the 57 for heinz is the number of pickle varieties the company once had
apples r better at waking u up than coffee
a cat's urine will glo under a blacklight
a goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds
a dragonfly lives for 24 hours
a crocodile cannot stick its tongue out
a shark is the only fish that can blink w/ both eyes
banging ur head against a wall uses 150 calories per hour
almonds r a member of the peach family
american airlines saved $40000 by eliminating one olive from each salad in first class
an ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain
u r more likely to die from being hit by a champagne cork than a poisonous spider
dreamt is the only word in the english language ending with "mt"
elephants r the only animals who can't jump
england's speaker of the house is not allowed to speak
a stamp contains 1/10th of a calorie
yelling for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days produces enough sound energy to heat a cup of coffee
men can read smaller print than women, but women can hear better
on a canadian 2 dollar bill, the flag is american
no word in the english language rhymes with month, orange, silver
peanuts are an ingredient of dynamite
the human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps to squirt blood thirty feet
when intoxicated, an ant will always fall on its right side
all polar bears are left handed
greece's national anthem has never been memorized
right handed ppl live, on average, 9 years longer than left handed ppl
rubber bands last longer when refrigerated
there r 293 ways to make change for one dollar
u cannot kill urself by holding ur breath
a regulation golfball has 336 dimples
tigers have striped skin and fur
the microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket
there r more chickens than ppl in the world
a dime has 118 ridges on the edge
cats have over 100 vocal sounds; dogs have about 10
our eyes are always the same from birth, but our ears and nose never stop growing
barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33
february 1865 is the only month in recorded history to not have a full moon
montpelier, vermont is the only state capital without a mcdonald's
the cruise liner, queen elizabeth 2, moves 6 inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns
there are two credit cards for every person in the united states
leonardo da vinci invented the scissors
in the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated
the highest point in pennsylvania is lower than colorado's lowest point
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
only one person in 2 billion will live to be 116 or older
the most common name in the orld is mohammed
shelock holmes never said "elementary, my dear watson"
mel blanc (the voice of bugs bunny) was allergic to carrots
"go." is the shortest complete sentence in the english language
the first bomb dropped by the allies on berlin in ww2 killed the only elephant in the berlin zoo
a "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second
the average person falls asleep in 7 minutes
money isn't made from paper, it is made from cotton
no president of the united states has been an only child
the mona lisa has no eyebrows
snails breathe through their foot
the average human blinks their eyes 6,205,000 times each year
the 3 r's are Reading, wRiting, and aRithmetic
a goldfish kept in the dark will turn white
a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes
babies are born without kneecaps
more people in china can speak english then americans can in the us
a catfish has over 27,000 taste buds
the average cost of raising a dog until its 11 years old: $6400
coca-cola was originally green
61,000 people are flying over america at any given time
10% of the russian government's income is thru the sale of vodka
100 people choke on ballpoint pens yearly
the international phone code for antarctica is 672
pigs cannot look into the sky above them
pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than most new cars
snails can sleep for 3 years
wearing headphones for 1 hour will increase the bacteria in your ear 700x
rats and horses can't vomit
'b' is the most common letter found at the beginning of city/town names
women blink nearly twice as much as men
cow's can't go downstairs
if you sneeze to hard, you can fracture a rib
you can rupture a blood vessel and die from suppressing a sneeze
your eyes would pop out if they were held open by force when you sneeze
coca cola is used by cops to wash away blood
a t-bone steak will disappear after about 2 days, if you put it in coca cola
the average horse secretes 9 gallons of saliva per day
when in deep thought, the human brain produces 14 watts of power
average humans can hold seven facts in their short term memory
the penis of ablue whale averages off to about 7 feet
1/5 of all goats live in india
horses and rabbits can't vomit
the average american spends 6 months of their life waiting at a red light
coca-cola was originally green
hong kong has more rolls royces per person than anywhere else in the world
state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: alaska
intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair
the san francisco cable cars are the only mobile national monuments
half of all americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace
bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women
there are more collect calls on father's day than any other day
200,000,000 m&m's are sold each day in the us
grapes explode when you put them in the microwave
wine will spoil if exposed to light, hence tinted bottles
domestic cats hate lemons or other citrus scents
203 million dollars is spent on barbed wire each year in the us
if you put a raisin in a champagne bottle, it will rise and fall continuously
the letter j does not appear in the periodic table of elements
the # symbol is often referred to as a number sign or pound sign. its actual name is an octothorpe.
no war has ever been fought where both countries had a mcdonalds
over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people
the state of florida is bigger than england
the average reader can read 275 words per minute
35,000 people in the u.s. will die from the flu annually
nearly 50 percent of all bank robberies take place on fridays
women end up ingesting about half of the lipstick they apply
leonardo da vinci could draw with one hand and write with the other at the same time
about 845 languages are spoken in india
a moth has no stomach
scotland exports sand to saudi arabia
a person weighing 150 pounds on earth would weigh two tons on the sun
dogs that reside in cities live about three years longer than dogs that live in the country
a dog can't hear the lowest key on a piano
nose prints are the most reliable way to identify dogs
your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end
walt disney world generates about 56 tons of trash every day
the odds of being killed by falling out of bed are one in two million
the typical penguin has just one orgasm a year
about 40,000 americans are injured by toilets every year
83 percent of people hit by lightning are men
surgeons who listen to music during operations perform better than those who don't
the average iceberg weighs 20 million tons
all the planets in our solar system could be placed inside the jupiter
there are about 1,750 o's in every can of spaghettio's
the earth experiences 50,000 earthquakes a year
hawaii is the only state that's never recorded a temperature below zero degrees fahrenheit
technically, the banana is a berry
a kangaroo can only jump if its tail is touching the ground
** it costs 3 cents to make a one dollar bill
coffee is second only to oil economically
the average american eats 28 pigs in their lifetime
hitler was time's man of the year for 1938
each year, 20 million americans watch porn
the hummingbird has the largest brain (proportionally) of the bird family
the statue of liberty weighs 225 tons
at any one time, 1 in 4 people are daydreaming about sex
7% of americans eat mcd's each day
approx. 8.5 billion condoms are made per year
giraffes only sleep 20 minutes a day
an adult turkey has about 3,500 feathers
wine drinkers are more successful than people who don't drink wine
a restaurant in china can seat 9,000 people at once
in france, the big dipper is called the casserole
hawaii is the only state that grows coffee
2 out of 3 adults participate in halloween
215 pairs of jeans can be made from one bale of cotton
finland has over 187,000 lakes
a cat spends nearly 30% of it's life grooming
scientists have performed brain surgery on cockroaches
bill gates is a harvard university dropout
human adults breathe 23,00 times daily
elevators and escalators kill 30 people a year

so now u know

Posted by madballdan2003 at 8:18 PM EST
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People....
its time
to chlorinate the gene pool
(ppl who i could live without)

people who buy vaginal jelly with a platinum credit card
pimps that drive ford escorts/other such cars
dentists with blood in their hair
funeral directors who say "hope to see you again soon"
lawyers who refer to police as "the federales"
rednecks with their name printed on their belt buckle
couples who name their kids similarly (john, jane, jen...)
strangers who want to talk to me about bodily functions
men with gold teeth that wanna play just one more hand of poker
crying women who enter a sports bar with a gun
people who get plastic surgery to look more intelligent
anyone who tries to pierce their own ear with a nailgun
retarded children who carry more than 7 books of matches
homely, flat-chested women wearing a 'foxy lady' t-shirt
people in their 50's who flash me the peace sign and mean it
girls who wink constantly at me when they are kidding
people who give their rundown house or shitty car a name
people who name their genitalia
athletes who believe they really are giving more than 100%
people that wear shirt and tie to a baseball game
girls who dare you to stick a paper clip in the electric outlet
people that think a lightning rod is a good way to power their home
people that listen to an a.m. radio station
guys who buy the 15" wheel covers at wal-mart and clean them nonstop
people who buy a new car bc the old one stopped smelling new
People who live in a nudist camp in maine during the winter months
10-year old pimps/badasses
kids who still run around screaming about pokemon

and people who wear badges

Posted by madballdan2003 at 8:15 PM EST
Updated: Tuesday, 16 March 2004 3:07 PM EST
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Bill Gates
bill, exposed
minimum wage, 1938 - $0.25 per hour
minimum wage, 2002 - $5.15 per hour
bill gates makes - $224,605.73 per hour
the president's salary - $400,000
the vice president's salary - $186,300

money made by the us bureau of engraving and printing - $57.08 billion
bill gates worth as of august '02 - $32.62 billion

to make as much as bill at minimum wage ($5.15) working 24/7/365, with no taxes, and saving it all - 722,608 years
if you worked 40 hours a week, it would take - 3,034,955.14 years
man's oldest known hominid ancestor (australopithecus) lived - 3.5-4 million years ago

total value of microsoft as of august '02 - $261.05 billion
money made per second by bill gates since march 13, 1986 (microsoft's public launch) - $62.39

national debt as of august '02 - $6.17 trillion
bill could pay this off by - march 2020

bill should die on - august 9, 2029 (according to deathclock.com)
his worth as of august 2029 should be - $106.42 trillion
when bill dies, uncle sam should recieve $17.94 billion

gold is worth - $307 per troy ounce
fort knox holds - 147 million troy ounces of gold
entire worth of gold at fort know - $45.13 billion

as of august '02, the american dollar was worth - 1,638,000.00 turkish lira
bill is worth - 53.43 quadrillion turkish lira
quadrillion - 1,000,000,000,000,000

microsoft employess as of july '01 - 48,030

alex rodriguez's (baseball player, duh) salary - $25 million/$252 million over 10 years
alex makes - $154,320.98 per game
to make the same amount of money as bill, he would have to play - 1,305 seasons

according to the 2000 gdp statistics, america is worth - $9.88 trillion
america is #1 in this list
if bill gates could be added to this list, he would be - #56
morocco comes in at #55 with - $33.36 billion

according to fortune magazine in 2001, wal-mart made $219.81 billion
wal-mart is #1 in this list
if bill gates were added to this list, he would be #49
conoco (who?) is worth only slightly more at #48 with - $32.8 billion
microsoft is #79 on this list

citicorp had the most assets of any bank in 2001 with - $902.2 billion
chase came in #2 with - $715.3 billion
bank of america was #3 with - $642.2 billion
if bill gates was a bank, he would come in at - #32
he is beat out by charter one bank, who has - $33 billion

there are 706,000 homeless people in america
bill could give each of them - $42,923.79
if bill donated to the make-a-wish foundation, he could grant the wishes of - 9.32 million children
this assumes an average of $3500 per wish

if you had bill's fortune in one dollar bills, you could go to the moon and back - 6.6 times
if bill kept his fortune as one dollar bills under his king-sized mattress, he would jump - 5.55 miles
a king-sized matress has an area of 43.3 square feet
to cover a king-sized mattress once, you would need - $398 in one dollar bills
$32.62 billion in ones would weigh - 33,287.8 tons
a boeing 747-400 (a good sized airplane) weighs - 400 tons

in one cubic foot, you could fit - $24,606 in one dollar bills
the 747-400 (the airplane from above) holds - 27,467 cubic feet of cargo
it would take 49 747's to carry bill's money
BUT
a 747 should only be carrying - 124 tons
$24,606 in one dollar bills would weigh - 689.64 tons
so if you actually wanted the plane to fly, you would need - 269 747's

if at&t started charging bill $100 per minute on his fone calls, he could talk for - 620.23 years
if bill's internet access cost him $20 per month, he could sign up for - 135.93 million years

if bill's wealth was translated 1:1 into miles, you would travel - 350.77 a.u.'s
an a.u. (astronomical unit) is the distance between the earth and the sun, or 93,000,000 miles
to reach the sun, at 75 mph, it would take - 141.55 years

if bill's worth was translated 1:1 into kilobytes (the size of most documents on your pc), you would have - 29.66 tb
a tb, or terabyte, is 1024 gb
most people have hard drive's around 40 gb
it would take 760 people with full hard drives to match bill

a nasa space shuttle costs - $1.7 billion
bill can buy - 19
pfizer's o-so-popular viagra costs $10
bill can buy - 3,262,208,254
at one every 8 hours, he would be horny for - 2,977,146.4 years

if you wanted to spend bill's fortune within 12 years, you would have to buy at a rate of - $86 per second
or - $310.1 thousand per hour

hmm. i wish i had $32.62 billion. don't you?

Posted by madballdan2003 at 8:12 PM EST
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